he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
