Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
