i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Damn victory sex feels great
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
