How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
