you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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