You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You made out with two different species that night
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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