end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
