I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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