I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
