Whod you bang
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
