I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Be still, my beating vagina.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
