So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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