Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I am mentally ready for anal.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
