Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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