Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
