On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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