we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
it's like heaven, but drunker
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
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