he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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