I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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