I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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