haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
