Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
