My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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