Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
