The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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