she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
