The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
