What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
