my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
