the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Dear god my vagina.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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