I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
