how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
