I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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