I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
