will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
