There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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