I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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