The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Soap is not a condiment
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
