She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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