What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
