I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
