you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
