I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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