She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
