Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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