You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
