You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
