Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
