apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
