If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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