she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
